Posted by: Gregoryno6 | August 16, 2014

So there I am, trying to draft a job application letter, and all of a sudden…

I start pumping it out like a Nigerian lady scammer.

Dearest One, I write to You today in the spirit of Earnest Friendship and Mutual Profit. Look into YOUR HEART and you will Know that what I say Here is the Truth. Your Enterprise Business firm will be greatly improved by My hiring. The work that has Not been Done for many Months will be dealt in swift dedicated Attention to the task.

Your Profits will RISE beyond any profit you ever hoped for gaining. While Efficient I am also friendly and benevolently tilted toward my fellow workers. They will find my presence a Blessing, and their Gratitude in your direction will be mostly profound.

Dear Sweet Friend and Honest Counterpart, it should not be a Distress that I am so Tinily experienced in the line of work which you require done. Many endeavours have been completed with success under my Determination to overcome Harrassing Circumstance. Examine the Resume of my background and look beyond the upmost surface. You will discover a HEART FULL OF COURAGE which has not retreated backward from any difficulty or adventure.

Fondly and with the anticipation of excitement I wait to hear from you. Please call. Dear Friend, God will reward you for this deed and regrets will escape you as the frog escapes the leopard. Fear not the mosquitos of despair for if you take my into your employance they will never find your armpits.

A thousand blessings,

Constance Kwame Taronga.

Scary what comes out at the keyboard sometimes.

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Responses

  1. And here, I just took a sip of my first beer today. Next up, paper towels and rags, Constance..

    Tooooo Effing Funny..

    • And you know why it’s scary? Because it was just so easy. Flowed like cream out of a jug.
      Maybe I should ask the scammers if they’re hiring.

      • So true mate. Another idea may be, you just compose to your heart’s content and sell it. I would bet, that your creative humor, would be welcome and marketable, in the world interwebbies OR in book form.

        Surely a friend/contact in Aussie land could assist. Example, Timothy, he gets paid for his sly, pointed and hilarious political wit.

        • One day, maybe… I’m still working on the book I started more than twenty years ago.

          • What’s a book? Umm, err, believe it or not (thanks Ripley’s) I had a book out longgggg time ago. Yep, I was told to hold a sign with numbers on it, when they took my picture.

            Kinda, proud I was, ’cause they told me that ‘if I kept up my stupids, I just may make into the Top Ten’ and be seen through out the States in Post Offices. I wasn’t born with the nose I now have. lol

            I look forward to your novel mate, can visualize it now, the book covers, emblazoned with your fractals (and in various parts of) titled “The mind is an unexplored country”.


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