Posted by: Gregoryno6 | August 14, 2011

I knew the Antichrist when he was an altar boy.

His name was – well, it doesn’t matter. But serving with him was a special form of torment. He could keep up a running commentary on the proceedings that would have the rest of us stifling giggles from start to finish.

He was obscene, he was blasphemous, he was blessed by Satan with a gift for destroying any attempt we made at preserving solemnity. Imagine a white Catholic twelve year old Eddie Murphy in surplice and sataan. That was pretty much this guy.

The great mystery to me is that none of us were ever disciplined, much less booted out of the team. There we were, week after week, suppressing laughter in front of the devout. Nobody ever said a word. No adult ever bailed us up after and gave us a quiet few words about respect for God and the Mass. Perhaps they thought the priest was taking are of that. Well, he only mentioned it once or twice that I can recall. Perhaps he just counted us as part of God’s burden upon him.

It’s hard to believe that out of a congregation of hundreds, nobody ever noticed. The first five or six rows at least would have had us clear in their view. I must have served a few times at least with my father in attendance; if he’d picked up on our antics he would have skinned me.

Maybe people found us entertaining. Maybe we were a welcome diversion from the tedium. But I think they just locked their eyes on the priest and droned when required.

If you asked me why I lost my faith, I would have to say that my time as an altar boy definitely had something to do with it.

I don’t know what happened to the altar boy from hell. We were at the same school, but we weren’t a part of the same group. A couple of years later we both changed schools and I never saw or heard of him again. I like to think that he put his evil talents to good use. He would have made a brilliant stand-up comic – or maybe, in his case, a kneel-down comic.

What makes me uneasy is that, more and more often these days, I hear myself taking off on a rant. And I realise I sound just like him.

Damn him. The bastard got inside my head.


  1. To the best of my knowledge, I never stepped a foot on Australian soil 🙂

    • “To the best of my knowledge”??? That’s a politician’s answer if ever I heard one.

  2. LOL. It is, it is. I tried running for office, got tired, gave it up for Lent.

    • Good move.
      I got your email about the bomb collar dude – a very interesting development.
      I’ll send a reply from another email. I sent you one earlier this week, maybe it’s gone to your junk folder.

  3. Just eyeballed every folder at the Cid email. Never received the earlier “The Snowball Effect”, Gregory. Congratulations, by the way.

    Been thinking of dumping Google Browser AND Gmail. They are much to in the pocket of obama, plus various and sundry other things.

    As to this: “I’ve been saying that
    the next fifty years will be different from the last fifty years”..Paco had an article ’bout a hero AND fighter that was told, he wouldn’t make it to 50 years of age. “Doc” Brown.

    You’re a damn good man and fighter mate. Give ’em hell.

    Remember to send new email addy, I’ll do same when change is made. Look for something CID, Don CeSar or The Half-Assed Knight… 🙂

    BTW, Real Name: John Panzarella (actually is was O’Brien, but I grew up in A Sicilian section of town. Had to change it, was getting my arse kicked) LOL.

    • Gmail went through a period of utter crapfulness in 2009 but seems to be better now, John. I don’t like their boast that nothing ever gets completely deleted on OUR servers… but they will do for the time being.

      Thanks for the link to Paco’s blog. Doc Brien was one tough bastard! Lived to 105 after surviving Bataan. They really don’t make them like that any more.
      Here’s another gentleman recently deceased of the same vintage, farewelled by Christopher Hitchens in Slate Magazine.
      Patrick Leigh Fermor, 1915-2011.

  4. Mr. Fermor. Tough Bastard. Fighter. Hero.

    English speakers would be in one hell of a fix, if it weren’t for folks like Brien, Fermor (and his Brits) Aussie and Canadian forces.

    Hundreds of thousands exist today, fighting islam, hopefully those that survive, become future leaders, ’cause what we got today ain’t worth a tinkers damn (save a very few)..

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