Posted by: Gregoryno6 | September 7, 2010

Second-best jokes.

After the announcement in Canberra today I found myself thinking of Luigi The Unbelievable. Anyone else remember him?

He was one of Paul Hogan’s early characters. An utterly inept magician whose every trick failed.  His punchline was “Start dancing, Maria!” – flung at his assistant when the stunt collapsed.

I wish I could find some video of Luigi to share because right now there’s a chant running round inside my head: “Start dancing, Joooolya!”

Sadly, no Luigi. Here are a few snappy lines from Henny Youngman. For second best, they’re not bad.

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

Hollywood called me, asking me, “How much to do a movie with Scarlett Johansson?” “$50,000.” They called back, “How about $20,000?” I said, “I’ll pay it!”

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he’s Frank and in Chicago he’s Ernest.

I’ve been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

I was walking down the street, and I found a man’s hand in my pocket. I asked, “What do you want?” “A match.” “Why didn’t you ask me?” “I don’t talk to strangers.”

I’m now making a Jewish porno film. 10% Sex, 90% guilt.

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Responses

  1. Oh yes. I remember Hoges character! As for the activity in Canberra…..I’m sulking! I think I’ll read all those funny lines tomorrow when I wake. A good way to start the day.

    • Interesting times ahead.

  2. Hi,
    Good ones, not bad at all.

    • Still wish someone had put Luigi the Unbelievable on the net.
      Hell, I’m sounding like a 20 yo. If it’s not online it’s not real!


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